Disclaimer: this is a pissy, woe is me, self-pity post. it's meant to purge what i feel at this moment at this exact time only. it is not representative of who i am or how i view myself or people in general.
so they say they want me to be myself. live from the core of who i am. and of course live that in balance with others. obviously, i will from time to time have to adjust who i am to some degree to live in harmony with others. i can't just go tell everyone i meet how i think or feel just b/c that is my natural state. i do have to think of what is best for others and the repercussions to a person's being by my actions. yet i am not suppossed to repress my feelings or avoid confrontation or state the facts or call things out.
yet when i do that - lay out the facts - here's the case, the situation, the problem then the focus becomes not the problem, but that i'm pertubed, that i didn't communicate the right way. this is extremely frustrating when other forms of communication have failed or had minisucle results. the focus becomes something other than the problem.
i guess i'm selfish. but i don't want to accomdate for everyone. it gets tiring. and how am i suppossed to be me if me makes things worse. i want to be a servant's heart. i'm willing to take the blame. to swallow pride. be the bigger person but there comes a time when, dude, you just can't handle the truth or the way things are, or reality. it's not okay to be upset. it's not okay to be irritated.
be me? being me right now is an internal struggle to not shut down.
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so this is what i think
Labels I Choose
- Jessica
- QC/Midwest
- woman, wife (11/23/08), writer, daughter, sister, coolest aunt ever, pastor, friend, messy jessy to a great group of kids
Thoughts to Think
- God did not give the Bible so we could master him or it; God gave the Bible so we could live it, so we could be mastered by it. The moment we think we've mastered it, we have failed to be readers of the Bible. Scot McKnight, the Blue Parakeet
Followers
Labels
Oh The Places I Go
Book Addiction
- the Blue Parakeet - Rethinking How You Read the Bible
- Prude: How the Sex-Obessed Culture Damages Girls (and America, Too!)
- The Porning of America
- Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West
- Son of a Witch: Volume Two in the Wicked Years
- A Lion Among Men (The Wicked Years, Book 3)
- Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's
- The Short Bus: A Journey Beyond Normal
- Reefer Madness: Sex, Drugs, and Cheap Labor in the American Black Market
- Sheet Music
- Becoming the Woman God Wants Me to Be
3 comments:
Just be yourself kid! Let the other comments roll off like the rain drops!
yeah, it's probably self-focused to think or wonder this, but then- that's who your sister is :)- but I sure hope this isn't a result of your question you asked me the other day and what I said.
if it is, then I am sorry because I sure wouldn't and didn't want to say something to hurt your feelings or cause a problem
we are all who we are- we can't help that. if people- including me, your family , your coworkers, etc.- have our own things that cause us to not deal well with the way that you express your own personality- well, that's too bad, isn't it? we'll all get over it, just like you have to get over things about all of us.
i'm sorry that you're upset or were upset. i hope you're feeling better.
Speak the truth in love and if they don't like it, (by they, I also mean me) then they just have to deal with it. As long as you have the best of intentions, who cares?
Love you! :)
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