a weighty satisfication

the church where i work and sometimes seem to live has a commit2bfit challenge going on. (http://www.commit2bfit.blogspot.com/).

the premise is that basically you can't pick and choose which sins "against the temple" i.e. our bodies you'll preach about like smoking or drunkenness but not gluttony or overeating or eating so much junk that our bodies are literally turning in on themselves. if our bodies are the temple of God than let's face it some of us have temples that are run down and deteriorating like towns where factories have left and neighborhoods have dried up. our temples are gunky and gushing with seepage and i imagine our insides are functioning like plumbing that's got gunk in its works. and like most plumping problems it doesn't smell that good.

what i'm discovering as i live out this challenge each day. sometimes successfully (grapes, veggies, protein shake, spinning class and treadmills) and other days not so successfully (jr.whopper with cheese, large fry with extra salt and x-large dr pepper) is what makes me feel good isn't really so much the numbers on the scale. i've only lost 4 1/2 lbs. no need to rush out and buy new pants or shirts. and while i am feeling better in terms of physical health and overall energy and can tell when i've eaten that jr whopper w/cheese by the way i just feel clogged up, it's still not so much that.

i find a sense of accomplishment. you know how you felt or how you think you probably felt when you took that first step as an infant. how everyone clapped around you. or when you first learned to swim (or in my case how i'll feel when i figure out how to go under water for the first time without holding my nose). it's seems almost childlike and silly. but there is a satisfaction that comes only from accomplishing something, especially something that tends to be hard or new or different. i also find myself feeling good not about my butt size (though i am looking forward to looking at less of it in the mirror and say "ah, girl! you look good!) but about the fact that i am in control not food or some craving or some emotion. i am deciding when i will eat or won't eat. even on days when i "cheat" and eat that jr. whopper with cheese and fries with salt and honking dr pepper it's clear it's a choice and not a result of pure laziness or old habit and i know what i'm eating and that tomorrow i'll need to do better. but i also know that i'm drinking lots of water, eating more veggies than grow in an average person's garden, i'm becoming even more a fruit, and rarely does anything fried get past these sweet lips. i'm spinning, and walking briskly (i'm not up to running yet folks, this is a work in progress), i'm doing something on a machine that's half gliding, half climbing, half stair stepping and i don't know what's it called but my lower thighs, those muscles right above the knee and calfs, well they know what it's called - wake up time! no longer do i think about dr pepper. no longer do i gauge how tired i am or how far the grocery store is to my need for caffeine. the addiction (and let's call it what it is folks, no white washing or 'christianizing' here to make us feel better) is disappearing. and i like that. i like being in control (i know that's a shock to all my readers).

i hope to find myself a few sizes smaller in the next few months. walking up stairs at a running (not brisk) pace and still have oxygen left to ask someone a question at the top. and i'll take anye "ah, girl! you look good!" comments you want to give me when you see me. but, really, i think i'll just like knowing i can do it and i did it.