why write

so here i am writing assuming that there are people out there who care to here what i have to say. of course, the mere expression of my rambling thoughts has always been a minor point behind why i write. truth is i find writing to be more a selfish pursuit, an egotistical one if you will. i write because i have a need to. it's really that simple. i write because somehow by placing words, letters arranged in a certain way, onto paper i somehow validate myself. i make those things that aren't tangible, tangible. (in a way, it is when i write that i feel the closest to God, but that's another post) somehow rage and joy become something i can digest and insurmountable problems becomes mountains i can somehow find a way to traverse over. so that's really why i write. i find i need to write in a way just like my body had normal bodily functions. it's necessary, crucial to not becoming bloated or sick to the stomach. yes i know that's a bit extreme and gross but that's reality for me.

i also have to admit that i'm fascinated by words, their meanings, where they came from. i'm always getting online and looking up words on www.m-w.com. there's no great intellectual reason. i never use the words in speech and most of the time forget the specific meanings within in minutes. but it's like infatuation. a look soon forgot, a flower that's fragrance will be lost. but for that moment a word becomes illuminated and sometimes when i'm reading, especially the bible, it opens up a new path. things click and i get it.

i love how words appear on the page, how punctuation or the lack of it changes a person's perception, how if you write a poem and place one word at the end of a line or on the next line it can change the meaning several degrees. it can intensify a feeling or alter it completely. i am intrigued by how two people can read the exact same thing on paper and it can evoke completely different emotions, angering one and amusing the other. that's the kind of writing i want to do. writing that evokes some emotion; writing that puts together two images, like writing and bodily functions, that you wouldn't expect, that makes you stop and see things maybe in ways you haven't.

now i have no clue if i accomplish that but that is what i long to do.